


Taken by the Sky

by taeminki



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 08:24:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13783596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeminki/pseuds/taeminki
Summary: Kang Chanhee lived for raw pictures.





	Taken by the Sky

**Author's Note:**

> _"If you want to know what someone fears losing, watch what they photograph."_  
>  [ 00:00, SF9 ]

Youngkyun wasn't looking at the camera. _He had no idea Chanhee was even there; not yet. Chanhee would surprise him after he captured this moment, in which_  Youngkyun was holding a teddy bear in his hands, smiling innocently at it as he sewed its ear. The teddy bear was ripped _by fault of Chanhee, who picked it up before he realized its ear was caught on a nail protruding from the head of their bed. Chanhee was so, so sorry, but Youngkyun never had bitter feelings toward Chanhee_. Youngkyun's mouth formed a word through his smile, like he was talking to the teddy bear. _He was. He was whispering softly to it-- lyrics he'd written that didn't quite have a melody. This was how he came up with the melody; he spoke the words in different tunes and emotions until he figured out what was right_.

\-- Chanhee stared at the photograph until his eyes got tired, and he didn't want to keep himself awake anymore. He went to bed with the photograph in hand, skipping over brushing his teeth or washing his face. He hadn't eaten anything that day. He hadn't gone outside that day. He hadn't changed out of his pajamas from the night before, and the night before that. He tucked the photograph beneath his pillow, felt the others crumple beneath his fingers, and fell asleep with his hand still tucked halfway under his lilac purple headrest.

 

In his dream, Chanhee cried. He wept over Youngkyun's sleeping form and told him _I'm sorry_. He thought about what he was sorry for, and he told Youngkyun he was sorry for ripping his teddy bear. He knew how much the teddy bear meant. He knew Youngkyun wasn't upset, but he was still sorry. He was _so_  sorry.

 

 

 

  
Youngkyun was looking at the camera. He wore a beautiful smile _like he usually did_ \-- the kind that reached his eyes and every other part of his face, tinting his cheeks pink and wrinkling his nose. There was a sparkle in his eye that the camera caught perfectly. His hands were in the picture as well-- two piece signs _that always got him what he wanted, should he play a cute act with them--toward Chanhee, toward anyone_. Youngkyun was in the living room; _Chanhee looked up, and saw the same exact scene -- except Youngkyun wasn't there_.

\-- Chanhee answered his ringing phone and asked "Hello?" with as much of his voice as he could muster. The word was a whisper, and Juho, on the other line, asked "Chanhee?" like he wasn't really sure Chanhee was there. Chanhee said, "Yes," in confirmation, not question, but Juho mentioned his reason for calling anyway, "Hey. Youngbin and I haven't seen you in a while-- can we come over?"

"Okay." Chanhee said. He hung up the phone, and climbed the stairs to tuck the photograph under his pillow. He closed his eyes against the slight noise the other photographs made as they gave beneath the pressure of his fingers, and he sighed as he dragged the corner of one out in his attempt to peacefully remove his hand. He saw the corner of Youngkyun's favorite jacket, and carefully stuffed the photograph back under his pillow. He turned from the room and made his way back downstairs; he unlocked his door, sat on his couch, and waited for Youngbin and Juho to arrive.

 

Youngbin and Juho wondered why he was sitting in front of a dark television, staring into space. They asked if he was thinking too much again. They asked if he was eating, and sleeping, and going out. _I don't know. No, I'm not. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. No, I'm not_. Should we go out? _No_. You're over-thinking again, aren't you? _No_. Chanhee. _No_. Why don't we watch a movie, Youngbin? Chanhee, what do you think? _Okay_. You don't seem excited...? _It's fine_. Chanhee? _Let's watch a movie_. Okay.

 

 

 

  
Youngkyun wasn't looking at the camera. He was looking at a red velvet cake in front of him, which he was decorating. The whipped cream bottle _he would use in a moment_  was sitting in the slightly darkened background. The picture wasn't of very high quality; _it was taken when Chanhee was still a rookie photographer, fourteen going on fifteen and he had three years with Youngkyun left_. Youngkyun's mouth was open; _he had been talking to Chanhee_. His eyebrows were lifted; _he was arguing with Chanhee about something, all in good spirit. They always fought, and teased, but they were best friends, and that's what best friends did_. Youngkyun had white on his fingers _from making a mess with the whipped cream. Chanhee was making fun of him for it. Youngkyun was, playfully, getting annoyed, and asking Chanhee to help him. Chanhee said no. Youngkyun got genuinely annoyed that time, but he would laugh a moment later_. Youngkyun had an apron on. It was yellow. _His favorite color. The cake was for Juho. Chanhee was jealous of him, back then, thinking Youngkyun liked Juho more than him. How childish, he'd been-- but a child, he was_.

\-- Chanhee tucked the photograph beneath his pillow, made easy by the fact that he was already laying on it. He closed his eyes and felt a tear creep down his cheek, land against the lilac purple of his pillow. His. No, Youngkyun's. It was Youngkyun's pillow, but Chanhee liked to lay on it. It was soft. Youngkyun's things were so well kept. His teddy bear-- laying peacefully against Chanhee's stomach-- was completely unscathed except for the scar _Chanhee_  had caused, and _Youngkyun_  had fixed. Chanhee thought perhaps he shouldn't touch Youngkyun's pillow. Perhaps he should leave all of Youngkyun's things alone, else he would destroy them. He was awfully good at destroying things.

 

Chanhee went outside for the first time in five days. He stood on his balcony at midnight and looked up at the stars. He cried at them; he wept at them, and he screamed at them. They didn't know what he was saying. He didn't even know what he was saying. The cops showed up at his door, talking to him about complaints from neighbors-- someone was screaming about death, sir? Chanhee explained the situation, and they went away, telling him, calmly, to try to keep it down a little bit. Try yelling into a pillow.

Chanhee went back to bed. 01:33. He lay on his stomach and screamed into Youngkyun's lilac purple pillow. That didn't bring Youngkyun back, either.

 

 

 

  
Youngkyun wasn't looking at the camera. _He couldn't_ ; his head was tucked under Juho's arm, _as Juho had just pulled him close a moment ago, and Chanhee managed to capture the moment. He was already set up to take a picture-- a peaceful picture of just Youngkyun and Juho, but Juho always had to mess around_. Youngkyun's hair was blonde, and visible through Juho's arm. _Youngkyun was laughing, embarrassed at himself for the small shriek he'd let out_. A slight tint of his blushed cheek was visible in the picture. His legs were tilted; _he fell into Juho's lap after the photograph was taken. Chanhee dug out the picture he'd taken of that_. Juho had Youngkyun secured in his arms _to keep him from falling over_. Youngkyun had that pretty smile on his face-- pink cheeks, scrunched nose, closed eyes, _pure happiness_. C _h_ a _n_ h _e_ e _l_ o _v_ e _d_  h _i_ m. ( _C_ h _a_ n _h_ e _e_  l _o_ v _e_ d _h_ i _m_.)

\-- Chanhee didn't put the picture under his pillow before his next course of action; he called up Youngbin and cried to him. He soaked his phone in tears as he told Youngbin "I miss him, hyung, I miss him so damn much," and Youngbin tried to calm him, but no one could calm Chanhee when he was like this. No one could, except Youngkyun would come close-- really close, but Youngkyun wasn't _here_  and he wasn't coming back, so Chanhee was stuck crying himself to sleep with the pictures pressed against his chest--keeping Youngkyun as damn close to his heart as he could, now.

 

Chanhee woke up two hours later to Juho stroking through his hair slowly. Juho was laying with him now, holding him. The pictures were gone. Chanhee sat up slowly and started looking for them; Juho slowly coaxed him to lay back down, whispering "I put them under the pillow for you," and he leaned over Chanhee gently to grab Youngkyun's teddy bear and settled it gently between their bodies. Chanhee curled up on Juho's chest and, as he was dozing off again, asked "Youngbin-hyung won't be jealous, right?"

Juho laughed quietly, and told Chanhee, "No. You were always the jealous boyfriend," to which Chanhee managed a chuckle.

 

 

 

  
Youngkyun wasn't looking at the camera. He was looking past it. _He was looking at Chanhee_. His head was tilted up just a bit _to meet Chanhee's eyes_. He had a calm smile on his face, _one of those rare ones--not because he didn't smile often, but because his smiles were always so expressive_. His mouth was curved up a one side, but that smile still reached the entirety of his eyes. _It didn't reach the rest of his face-- no blush of his cheeks, no wrinkle of his nose_. Youngkyun was sitting on the ground. _He and Chanhee were outside, on a little date a year into their relationship as boyfriends. Chanhee: 16. Youngkyun: 17. 3 days before Youngkyun died_. The ground was visibly wet, _but Youngkyun hadn't cared. He loved the rain, and didn't mind his pants getting wet_.

\-- Chanhee lay the picture on top of his lilac purple pillow and looked at it-- just looked, observed. It was the last picture he had of Youngkyun-- the most recent one he'd taken. If he looked at the calendar, he could count the exact number of days, but he didn't have the energy, nor did he have the calendar near him. It was in the next room. Chanhee estimated three weeks. It could have been more, could have been less. It could have been forever. Chanhee wouldn't know. He lost track of time. He lost track of everything. He _lost_  everything.

Chanhee eventually tucked the picture under his pillow. He left it there for a moment, and then he lifted the pillow entirely. There were dozens of pictures beneath his pillow-- little memories that Chanhee wished to dream about instead of being tortured by negative thoughts--like _I'll never see him again_ , _I'll never forgive myself_ , _Why won't he come back to me?_  He thought the pictures might help. His lost mind tried to make sense of putting memories under his pillow in hopes that they would transfer into his dreams, but his lost mind was slowly coming back to him and he decided-- no. That wasn't a good idea. How could he recall a memory if he couldn't see it?

 

Chanhee went to the next room-- the office-- and first counted the days on the calendar. 29. He wasn't too far off. Then, he grabbed the little box of thumb tacks on the desk and went back to his room. Slowly, one-by-one, in order of when he took them, he began to pin Youngkyun to his wall-- right next to his bed. When he was done, his entire wall was covered with Youngkyun. Chanhee wept; he spilled the few thumb tacks he had left and wept in front of his wall of Youngkyun. Even Youngkyun's teddy bear was sad-- slumped over on the tossed lilac pillow. Chanhee grabbed the teddy bear and help it to his chest; he buried his face in the lilac pillow. He and teddy wept together. He and teddy missed Youngkyun together.

 

 

 

  
("It's pretty." Youngbin mentioned when he saw the wall for the first time. He pointed out the background-- the wall itself-- and told Chanhee, "Yellow was his favorite color."

"That's why I chose that wall." Chanhee said. The other walls-- save the one directly opposite Youngkyun's Wall-- were baby blue. Chanhee's favorite color. Youngbin used to say the odd colors threw off the symmetry of the room slightly. Now, he marveled at the colors and said "Youngkyun really had a way with design," to which Chanhee agreed. But, "He really had a way with a lot of things."

 _He really had a way with playing cute. He really had a way with smiling. He really had a way with his photogenic nature. He really had a way with organization. He really had a way with cleanliness. He really had a way with aesthetics. He really had a way with friendship. He really had a way with love. He really had a way with Chanhee's heart. He really has a way with Chanhee's heart_.)


End file.
